Baron Brown to Space Station

London: May 18 2010. BritAm BC, News and Comment

Nico Tiana Esq., 2nd son of a 2nd son of a Virginee Terbacca Planter reports:

Following his loss of the last General Election on May 10th, departing Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been exiled to the International Space Station.  This is the first time the measure has been enforced, having been instituted during the Ministry of the Blair Government. Back then, Anthony Lord Blair of Debatable Darlington (as he is now known), stated in the Commons that it was important for a change of power to be effective and immediate. Yet it was also important that experience and advice not be lost, but be available in a public and transparent manner. 

By transferring the outgoing Prime Minister to the International Space Station, there is an absolute and public separation of the person from the apparatus of power. At the same time, the erstwhile Prime Minister is allowed to comment publicly from space on any matter he or she chooses to speak, and be protected by Parliamentary Privilege whilst doing so. At the time it was enacted, it was also seen as a stabilization measure. The idea was to make any challenge to a Prime Minister possibly result in very public whistle-blowing. For that reason, not only General Elections but also caucus elections give effect to the provision. The Act is not triggered by DIO (Death in Office) and RAGE (Resignation Anticipating a General Election).

It is known as DA FOOFIE Act, more formally as "Dispositions After Forced Out of Office Following Insurrection or Elections."  As a result, any social alienation following a popularity decision has become known as "riding a foofie".  But the big one, riding da foofie, is currently reserved only for our Prime Ministers. There is not a lot of room in the Space Station.

Shuttle leaving next to Big Ben

Thames water dissipates the heat of lift-off as Baron Gordon Brown is exiled into space.

For this inaugural "foofie", Brit Space staged a special shuttle lift-off right by Parliament. In the future,  ex-PMs are likely to be bundled off to the usual launching grounds in Florida. The next shuttle due to visit the ISS is in early August. Baron Brown will return, probably landing at Patrick Air Force Base at Cocoa Beach, Florida. Whether he then joins the lucrative board-room and whiskey circuit of London, or the even more lucrative chat-show and cat-food circuit of the Americas will depend on his space-babble. Will he become known as Cryptic of Kirkcaldy (whiskey) or as The Fife-Blower of Forth (meow)?

When is Parliament moving to Washington?

On a broader note, the launch has highlighted - in actinic steam - that much of the technology of His Majesty's British Empire resides in his Americas, along with the majority of his subjects. In 1841, when the young Queen Victoria married widower John Tyler, President of the United States, the two separate wings of the English speaking world were re-united. Already at that stage, the "United States" were near enough equal in population to Britain. Now the imbalance is massive. The only reasons for not moving the seat of government to the Americas are custom and inertia. 

His Majesty's two sons are both graduates of West Point, and the Prince of Wales is of course Governor General of Carolina and the Unified Territories. The decision has been made. All that remains is a date. However, the Boards of Britain are less mobile than its Royalty. The opinion in the aging timbers of Westminster is that whiskey and tradition will prevail; they expect Baron Brown to stay silent, to return to London, and visit Scotland on nostalgia trips. The Firth of Forth breeds rebellion, not revolution. None of that is news, and I live off news.

Come tomorrow, wing I west again to the Jewel in the Crown that is America. I leave Britain to the jowls in the Crown: the Boards of the Banks of the Thames. We are indebted to you, but now write our own scripts. I wish I could take a sub-orbital home, but they are restricted to the nobility. I am a gentleman adventurer. Expect me back when you have technology news. That could be a while. The pattern of old is that of Sir Alexander Bell; born in Scotland, flourished in Ontario and Boston. Plus, as we all know, made his backers rich, landed and titled. 

But it was nice seeing Old Father Thames getting steamy and misting those panes of Parliament that had not just been vibrated free of the canker of ages. Ciao

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